Personal Hell begins in T minus 8 hours

So I've fallen into this awful habit of listening to music before I go to sleep. Sounds fine, you might say. Yeah, well it isn't. The music I've been listening to does not make me want to sleep, and is frankly embarrassing. I should be applying to NS right now, because that's where I'm planning to go next semester. Of course that's all dependent on me getting in, which is dependent on me submitting my app on time, which is dependent on me doing my app.

I hate photography. I have no idea how I could love something so much and hate it with such a passion in such a short amount of time. I have to make 20 prints this weekend. Oh, and finish my NS app which requires 3 more essays. We just don't have a very good photography program. 12 people I know of are transferring. All photo students. I thought it was just my awful teacher who isn't actually a photographer, but a performance artist. I'm sorry, but lying in a sack in the middle of a gallery "to make a statement" is not art in my eyes. It's a sign that you have way too much fucking time on your hands and should maybe get a real job instead of pushing your graphic feminist bullshit on your students.

I wish I could have a good attitude about all this but I've tried and I don't think its going to happen. I need to work really hard so I can transfer to my Ivy of choice and then hopefully go to Harvard med. I talked to my mom today about how I'm really serious about this whole med school thing, and she finally got it. I actually started to tear up a little bit (and not from frustration, either) when I was saying that it just felt like I had finally found what I was meant to do. Pathetic, I know. I don't think I ever felt that way about photography. If you told me 3 months ago that I would feel this way, I would have laughed in your face. Now I just feel like art school is a waste of my time and money and I can't wait to leave. I can't wait to leave NS in general, but at least once I've finished this god-awful semester of photography I'll be learning something useful.

I'm proud of myself for making it this far without mentioning Boy. Boy is my boyfriend. I don't want this blog to be about him, because sure, he's a college student (at a school I'd kill to go to, and not just because he's there either) too, but this is all really about me. Haha. Anyway, we've been together for 2.5 years and we met when we were in elementary school and hated each other, yada yada...He's a big part of my life, and he lives about 400 miles away now, which I hate, but its not that bad. I just wish we could be together more. He's coming into the city for Thanksgiving and we're going to my dad's family's house in New Jersey for Thanksgiving dinner. That should be interesting, since Boy is the most introverted and socially awkward person I've ever met. Not around me, of course. I'm not really sure why, but that's how it is. Oh, did I mention I love him and would do anything for him? :P