My tattoo. :D

First of all, if you're looking for a great NYC tattoo shop, go to Red Rocket Tattoo on 36th St. between 5th and 6th. My tattoo was done by Betty Rose, who is very professional, an absolutely incredible tattoo artist, and also a nice person. You can't really tell from my shitty Blackberry photo, but the lines are perfect, and I am so proud to have this piece of art on me forever.

Here's the details: It's on my left wrist. It cost me $80, Red Rocket's minimum. It didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would and I pretty much have no tolerance for pain. On the physical pain scale I'd rank it between getting my gums deep cleaned and middle school. Its like really sharp pinches, and it's worse when they go over your veins and stuff, but its not completely unbearable. I'm not running back to get another one, but that's partly because I'm broke, partly because I don't have anything else meaningful that I want on my body at the moment, and partly because yeah, it did hurt.

My grandmother passed away 1o years ago this summer. Although I only knew her for 8 short years, she was a major part of my life, and to this day I believe she has had more influence on me than anyone else in my family (other than maybe my parents). My grandmother was a teacher, an artist and an all around wonderful person. Only recently did I find out that she suffered from Bipolar disorder, which only reinforced my aspiration to become a clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or art therapist, and work with people with Asperger's Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder.

I remember very vividly a day when my grandmother came to visit. I couldn't have been more than six years old, and I was not psyched to spend all day in a museum with my mom and grandma. I, of course, whined and fidgeted around the whole time until my grandmother offered to take me to the gift shop. There I found a coloring book by Keith Haring, a New York City graffiti artist. His simplistic cartoon figures reminded me of the Nickelodeon guy who slips on the banana peel (making the "splat" logo). My grandma bought me the coloring book, and continued to mail me things that were related to Keith Haring. This was the first day I was ever remotely interested in art, not as an activity, but as something to be appreciated. Although I have chosen to not pursue a career in art, it is still something I love to do and appreciate, and is a major aspect of my life.

My tattoo is Keith Haring' s "Radiant Baby," which was basically his calling card, or signature in some cases. The version of "Radiant Baby" that I have has wings (obviously), and represents a sort of hybrid of my grandmother and myself; she is the angel, and I am the baby.

23 days.

I miss Maui SO much. I never thought I would. Boy came to visit me for a very strange Thanksgiving in New Jersey. Now its just the FIIINALLL COUNTDOWNNNN!!!

5 final projects, 1 research paper, and I get the beach as a prize!

My school decided to give me a scholarship for getting good grades. An "academic competitiveness grant." Cool beans, can I leave now?

Mothers

Whenever I have 9am classes, I walk by 2 or 3 schools on my way. I always see parents and their children going to school. I wonder what kind of mother I'm going to be. Will I be the one who drags her children to class? Will I be the one who has a nanny do it so I can get my beauty sleep? Will I be the one who lets her kids take mental health days?

I know one thing for sure. I will not be the old haggard divorced one whose husband left because she let herself go. And I also will not raise my children in New York City.

More Transfer Shit

So now that I've finished my NS application, I'm restless again. I'm also going to stop fucking around and say the names of the schools I'm talking about which I may or may not change one I apply to them. NS stands for The New School. I currently attend Parsons School of Design. I applied as a transfer to Eugene Lang College, the liberal arts division of the New School, SUNY Purchase, and Rochester Institute of Technology. I hope to transfer to Amherst College, Bowdoin College, Brown University, Cornell University, Skidmore College, or University of Washington for Fall 2010.

I'm conflicted because unlike the rest of these schools, University of Washington runs on a quarter system. I applied as a freshman and was denied because at the time I sent in my application my GPA was a 2.81 unweighted (when I graduated I believe it was a 3.01 unweighted, maybe 3.2 weighted), which is far below UW's standards, especially for out of state applicants. Because UW runs on the quarter system, I can still apply for Spring quarter which starts in late March. I feel like going to Lang isn't going to tide me over, even for the semester. As of right now, my first choice is Brown University, but who am I kidding? I want to major in cognitive neuroscience but my math and science high school grades (the only ones they have to base anything on, besides classes I've yet to take) were dismal. I feel like going to UW would be an amazing experience, but I'm hesitant to apply for a few reasons:

1. If accepted, I would have to drop all my second semester New School courses, making it a waste of time and money to have taken them.

2. I cannot apply to any of these other schools.

3. Boy would be 2000 miles away.

I guess when all is said and done I should just not apply. Maybe for Fall '10.

I'm so sick of all this transfer bullshit. Why couldn't I have worked harder in high school? Or better yet, why am I up at 3am when I have a class at 9?

I am such a slacker.

The only thing I did yesterday was finish and send in my NS application. I still haven't made any prints and I'm in the process of shooting 3 rolls of film. Today I have to 1. Make 17 prints. 2. Process 3 rolls of film. 3. Buy a print box at Adorama. 4. Buy a book, read a chapter of it, and write half a page about it.

I made 10 prints in 5 hours once. Hopefully I can do this a bit faster.

Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

What has happened to today's youth?

Personal Hell begins in T minus 8 hours

So I've fallen into this awful habit of listening to music before I go to sleep. Sounds fine, you might say. Yeah, well it isn't. The music I've been listening to does not make me want to sleep, and is frankly embarrassing. I should be applying to NS right now, because that's where I'm planning to go next semester. Of course that's all dependent on me getting in, which is dependent on me submitting my app on time, which is dependent on me doing my app.

I hate photography. I have no idea how I could love something so much and hate it with such a passion in such a short amount of time. I have to make 20 prints this weekend. Oh, and finish my NS app which requires 3 more essays. We just don't have a very good photography program. 12 people I know of are transferring. All photo students. I thought it was just my awful teacher who isn't actually a photographer, but a performance artist. I'm sorry, but lying in a sack in the middle of a gallery "to make a statement" is not art in my eyes. It's a sign that you have way too much fucking time on your hands and should maybe get a real job instead of pushing your graphic feminist bullshit on your students.

I wish I could have a good attitude about all this but I've tried and I don't think its going to happen. I need to work really hard so I can transfer to my Ivy of choice and then hopefully go to Harvard med. I talked to my mom today about how I'm really serious about this whole med school thing, and she finally got it. I actually started to tear up a little bit (and not from frustration, either) when I was saying that it just felt like I had finally found what I was meant to do. Pathetic, I know. I don't think I ever felt that way about photography. If you told me 3 months ago that I would feel this way, I would have laughed in your face. Now I just feel like art school is a waste of my time and money and I can't wait to leave. I can't wait to leave NS in general, but at least once I've finished this god-awful semester of photography I'll be learning something useful.

I'm proud of myself for making it this far without mentioning Boy. Boy is my boyfriend. I don't want this blog to be about him, because sure, he's a college student (at a school I'd kill to go to, and not just because he's there either) too, but this is all really about me. Haha. Anyway, we've been together for 2.5 years and we met when we were in elementary school and hated each other, yada yada...He's a big part of my life, and he lives about 400 miles away now, which I hate, but its not that bad. I just wish we could be together more. He's coming into the city for Thanksgiving and we're going to my dad's family's house in New Jersey for Thanksgiving dinner. That should be interesting, since Boy is the most introverted and socially awkward person I've ever met. Not around me, of course. I'm not really sure why, but that's how it is. Oh, did I mention I love him and would do anything for him? :P

Passing and Such

I didn't go to class today. So far I've missed the maximum amount of every class, except English because my english class is amazing. Today I wanted to ditch because I have so much work to do this weekend, but I know it wouldn't have mattered either way since I only had class until 12 anyway. So now its 3pm and I'm still lying in bed, coughing and hacking because of this cold, and because I thought it would be a bright idea to go out and get frozen yogurt last night...without a jacket. Three fire evacs later, I see the error of my ways. Get me out of here. Thanksgiving cannot come soon enough, even though I can't go home like everyone else.

Brain Vortex

My roommates don't get me sometimes. I'll tell them something I find funny, and they'll just keep doing what they're doing like it never happened. Sometimes when I leave to hang out with other friends, I come back to both of them studying in silence. I always wonder if they talk about me when I'm not there. I guess thats what I get for hanging around with those kinds of people in high school.

Art school makes me feel like half my brain is in a safety deposit box, while the other half is about to give up searching frantically for the key. If I was really meant to be here, I'd love the fact that math classes are not part of the curriculum. Ever. But no, I'd like some algebra right now. With a side of the $120 TI-83 calculator I never used in high school, except to pass notes on by using the convenient "ALPHA" button, and to calculate significant figures in Physics, the worst class I've ever taken.

I'm sick of all this stupid apathetic hipster tragic art student bullshit. Some people have real problems, and I'm not talking about myself. So many people here need serious attitude adjustments. Your parents don't pay 60K per year for you to whine about how much you hate your privileged life. That's why I'm leaving. I'm genuinely not happy, and I'd rather be happy, and I can do that for free. Or a lot cheaper, anyway.

Now that I've started about ALL THESE FUCKING HIPSTERS, I'm going to go off onto a tangent about the legitimate reasons I don't like the NS.

1. Attendance Policy=Miss 3 classes and you automatically fail. This includes being genuinely sick.

2. Dorm Fire Evacuations- As of 11.10.09. there have been 84 this semester. If you choose to go to the NS, get an apartment. It costs less than housing. There's no real "dorm experience" that you're missing anyway. Not here at least.

3. Disorganization- Everything here is really disorganized, and I'm already disorganized. I need structure in my life to stay structured. Anything goes here.

4. Cost- The NS is not worth 60K per year, period. The design school's reputation carries the rest of NS, making them think its acceptable to jack up the price. If you attend the design school, be warned, you'll be spending thousands and thousands of dollars extra for art supplies, especially as a foundation student.

Why do I get to bitch and moan? Because I'm leaving. To go learn about something other than the Adobe Illustrator pen tool, and to get an education which someday will lead me to make enough money to buy a house rather than a cardboard box and some chisel tip sharpies.

The whole point of this..

Before we get started there are a few things you should know about me, a white jew kid who grew up in Hawaii.

1. I am a first-semester freshman at a well-known design school in New York City. I am a photography major.

2. I have recently discovered that I do not want to be a photographer, or anything related to the arts, in fact.

3. I am in the process of applying as a spring transfer to a SUNY college (Choice #1), and the liberal arts division of my current university, which I'll refer to as NS, (Backup) where I will major in Psychology.

4. I don't actually want to attend SUNY or NS. I want to go to a small liberal arts college or Ivy League university, but I need to go somewhere else before I apply to these schools to boost my GPA and distract admissions from the fact that I didn't do exceptionally well in high school and never took math past algebra 2.

5. As of today, my plan is to go to med school for psychiatry.

6. I could change my mind about all of this next week.

Do you hate me yet?